variations on a broken heart examined

puzzling.

i don’t know why i never
stopped believing
why the knife-edged pain did not slice
through my tethered desperation
for
Jesus.

by all accounts, darkness should have
won.
some days, if i’m honest,
it wins small battles.

the twin armies of hate and unforgiveness pelt
my pretty little
safe little
bunker
with grenades.
arrows of fear shower me with
metallic
clouds of confusion.

serene and calm
i am not.

the ugly that is in me shines bright as a
blood red flare signaling
the enemy to advance.

i do not pretend this is not so.

but like a drought stays for a season and
is followed by quenching
rain
i kept after Him.

no.

wait.

that’s not it.

*****

He kept after me.

*****

after one of the most devastating droughts in Indiana history, these growing things still remain in my garden.
and i am grateful that they still chase the sun.
or
rather
that the sun still chases them.

“But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,
the woman who sticks with God.
They’re like trees replanted in Eden,
putting down roots near the rivers—
Never a worry through the hottest of summers,
never dropping a leaf,
Serene and calm through droughts,
bearing fresh fruit every season.

“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,
not as they pretend to be.”

~Jeremiah 17:7-9 (TMV)~

*****

What about you?

What remains in your garden at the end of a drought?

How have you–or have you not–kept the faith in the midst of brokenness?

2 thoughts on “variations on a broken heart examined

  1. Amy. Just beautiful. Thanks for this.
    Some days I let the darkness win the small battles too and my inner ugly is hard to hide… and some days forgiveness doesn’t come easy. It’s 70×7 over and over and over. Thank God droughts end eventually.

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